Day 1-A. And, Do we know Where we are Going yet?

11/23/09
Got up at 6am this morning and did 45 minutes on the treadmill. Just over 3 miles so averaged 4 MPH though it was actually a mixture of mostly in the 3.5-3.9 range with occasional bursts in the 5-6 range. I weighed exactly 236 pounds. That's 6 pounds less than when I first started back in January and 18.2 pounds more than the all time low I recorded on 4/9 of 217.8. Kind of a drag to have lost all that progress, but meaningless when I think of this as a new lifestyle. The weight isn't the important thing, it's how I feel and there really is no point in dwelling on how I felt the last few months. What is important is how I feel today and how I will feel the rest of my life. Mentally I felt better today than I have in a while, knowing that I exercised and ate well today. I only had 1160 calories which is much lower than the <1800 I am tentatively planning. I feel a little hungry and have since not long after I ate, but I did feel full after dinner and I think what I'm feeling now, rather than hunger is the difference between stuffed to the gills and a normal, healthy fullness. I'd like to be able to go on a <1200 intake, but I'm not sure that is realistic. In fact, I'm pretty sure it isn't, but we'll see. Maybe I can think about a <1500 goal. Speaking of goals, I didn't given much thought today about what my goal will be with this lifestyle. Some thoughts include clothes size (seems vain) running a 5K, 10K or marathon; or some other type of endurance test/competition (maybe, but I don't love running) exercising and maintaining the caloric intake for a specific period The last one is intriguing and seems to match up best with the idea of making this a permanent change. Could I maintain those two things for a year, or even six months, EVERY day? Or do I say for 98% of the time? In six months, a 98% success rate is missing on only 4 days. But if I'm doing this for ever, why not 100% of the time? What about sick days for missing exercise? Does it mean NEVER exceeding the caloric goal? Or does it mean just eating sensibly, even if the food I'm choosing is higher calorie, like holidays? Or does it mean on a weekly basis, allowing me to completely blow a day but make it up in the other days of the week? Is that cheating; if not from a calorie standpoint, then at least philosophically? The endurance test is also interesting in that it is a specific event which would give me that sense of accomplishment. But what comes after? Another, similar event, or just another let down? Will I turn that into, "OK, I did it, now I can relax a little bit."? Clothes size seems the most like a weight goal which for whatever reason doesn't feel right. Feels like I'm doing it for the wrong reason though I can't quite put my finger on why it seems; why they both seem wrong. It just feels shallow somehow and like it isn't the right motivation. I guess because I don't really care what I weigh, or what size my pants are, ultimately. I want to feel better and be healthier. A reduction in weight will happen if I'm living healthier, but it is a byproduct, a symptom and not good in and of itself. For example, I could weigh 190 pounds and still be not healthy, say if I went on a crash diet that wasn't sustainable, or had cancer and couldn't eat. Or if I lost a leg. Ok, a little ridiculous, but the point is that there are lots of ways to hit that goal that don't accomplish the real goal, which is a healthy lifestyle. So I'm back to how do I measure living a healthy lifestyle? Maybe taking a step back and thinking about goals in a general sense will help. So, of course, I fall back on what I know about goals from work. Make them SMART. Specific-clear and unambiguous
Measurable-the one I'm having trouble with at this point
Attainable-that was the question about meeting my daily exercise and calorie goal for 180 days straight. Is that attainable? theoretically, but is it realistic?
Relevant-this is 'realistic' in some versions of the SMART goal, but it always seemed like a synonym for Attainable so I found a source that had something different. Relevant seems like a good one-does the goal even make sense? This is where weight and pants size seem to lose out. They don't seem relevant.
Time Driven-an end date; again carries concerns with it about what happens after, or as the time approaches? Do I get scared as it approaches, either because I'm afraid I won't hit it, or that I will and then be lost. But it seems the key to that is to have short, medium and long term goals and then to understand that medium and long term goals may well change as long as it is for the right reasons; and of course, you can always add more, bigger goals.

Another goal I just thought of in the exercise realm is to log a specific number of miles in a certain amount of time. Say 21 miles/week; or a 100/month? I like the sounds of that; it's a longer term goal which relies on the output of daily exercise. Its scalable so I can have a daily minimum to ensure daily engagement, but have weekly, monthly, quarterly, annual and even multi year goals. This along with caloric intake goals under the same time frames has a good feel to it. It allows me freedom to have some outright misses and some not quites on a daily basis while still leaving open the ability to make the longer term goals. These types of goals, along with some basic philosophies about how to act in the world-no gratuitous overeating, no eating when I am full or even not hungry. limiting the amount of food that has no healthy food value.

Which brings up coffee. I keep thinking that it is something I should give up. there are no calories associated with it, but nothing particularly healthful about it either. If it weren't for the half and half, I probably wouldn't think ill of it, but I don't love black coffee and if it came to that, I'd probably go with tea. I'm not giving it up yet, but if the idea is to just put healthy things in my body, where does that leave coffee? Are there any good effects that I can use to keep it around? I would miss you, oh coffee; you're the only one I want to talk to first thing in the morning.