Land of the Lost

It’s 5/18 and as I pull up my weight and calorie trackers, it’s been 20 days since the last time they were opened.  It’s been 39 days since my low weight and I have added almost 4 ½ pounds back since then.  It no longer matters what was going on at the time, whether I was at mom and dad’s for Easter, traveling for business or what.  The only relevant fact is that I made a conscious decision to stop caring.  I made the decision not to exercise and I made the even worse decision to eat pretty much what I wanted whenever I wanted and to continue to eat after I was full and right before bed time.  I completely gave up on living a healthy lifestyle in favor of indulging whatever it is that gets pleasure out of that kind of behavior.  And the fact is I really don’t know what it is.  I don’t feel good after doing it.  I don’t like that feeling of being so full I’m uncomfortable.  What I guess I do like is that feeling when it is going in my mouth.  To taste that sweet, fatty, greasy food coming into my mouth, chewing it and that feeling right before it hits my stomach.  I guess I also like the anticipation of getting to eat all that food, as much as I want and all the flavors I want.

 

Ok, so that is enough of beating on myself.  The only relevant question now is, what next?  I’m heading into another week of business travel.  I know the hotel I am staying at has a treadmill and nothing else.  I know I am going to be working late hours and it will be difficult to eat a healthy diet.  So what am I going to do about it?  Or do I even care?

 

Yes, I care.  Yes, I want to lose weight, but I’m also figuring out that I feel better on a daily, even hourly basis when I am eating right and exercising.  I’ll even admit that most of that is ego driven, just being able to think about what I’m doing, making the right decisions makes me feel better, completely outside of the physical benefits of a healthier lifestyle.  But there are also physical benefits.  Biggest of all is just not feeling full.  Not being miserably full so that all I want to do is lay down and take a nap.  And that’s the thing about beer too.  I can’t really have more than 1 without feeling full and being ready for a nap.  Especially during the day.  Not to mention the 150-200 calories each one adds to the meal. 

 

So, what can I do?  What will I do?  The good news is that since I’ll be there late, I can probably get away with coming in a little later.  That means I don’t have to get up real early and can work out a little later after getting up later.  I’ll have my Starbucks latte and oatmeal for breakfast, maybe I can even find a banana there, or better yet, go to the store.  I can still buy the frozen lunches and eat those for lunch and then the biggest problem is always dinner.  I like taking advantage of being on someone else’s budget and having a nice big, relaxing dinner after working all day.  The advantage to working so late is that those places have often stopped serving by the time I get back, so then what?  Is it frozen food again for dinner?  That limits the calories and also takes away the opportunity for beer or other mixed drinks, not with diet pop.  Is that the answer?  It’s the best one I can think of for now.